


Bi The Way, I Think I Love You

by PsychoDolphin



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Lesbian Character, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 05:07:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19266466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoDolphin/pseuds/PsychoDolphin
Summary: Rose was pretty sure she was straight. After all, she had a boyfriend, and she'd had the same boyfriend for years now. But when he asks her a question that she wasn't quite expecting, Rose begins a sudden spiral into confusion as she begins to learn more about herself and finds that maybe she isn't quite as straight as she thought she was.





	Bi The Way, I Think I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> So... after a year away from posting anything (yay final year of college is killing me) I'm back, but not with fanfiction. I posted this to my tumblr a little while ago, but it's taking up a lot of space there, and I can't figure out how to get it to not take up as much space, so I figured I'd shove it here in case anyone who comes to this website for fanfiction is interested in reading something that is not fanfiction. Which kinda defeats the purpose of a fanfiction website I guess, but oh well. This was pretty much me taking my love of childhood-friends-to-lovers tropes and my love of coming-out stories and meshes them together into a story that's probably too long for the concept, but I still fell in love with these characters as I wrote them, so hopefully someone will enjoy them too.
> 
> Not to worry though. I am actually working on some more fanfiction (more MakoHaru because I'm weak for them even after all this time). It just might take me a little bit of time, cause student teaching is about to start, and That may of may not be the end of me.

“Rose, I think I’m winning,” 

I glanced down to where my best friend sat on the floor of my bedroom, chewing on her lip as she tapped away at her DS. I stared at the screen for a fraction of a second, then frowned.

“Are you driving backwards?”

Anne stilled, fingers still hovering on the button, before she huffed and closed the lid to the consol. “Maybe i should stick to Pokemon.”

“But you suck at that too.”  I laughed as she stuck out her tongue.

“Then maybe I should just play board games!” I opened my mouth to speak, but Anne cut me off, glaring. “You did not win last time. It was a draw.”

“You gave up first.” 

“Because we had been playing for four hours. I love Monopoly, but no one wants to play Monopoly for four hours!”

I went to reply, but yet again, I was cut off, this time by my phone ringing. I saw Anne roll her eyes and flip the console back open, quickly restarting her game. I grabbed my phone, a pit in my stomach as i saw the name. I groaned and tossed my phone back on the bed. 

“What? Did Conner send another dick pic to the chat? Cause I told him I would delete him if he did it again.”

“No, not Conner.” I groaned and threw my face into the pillow. “It’s Joey.” 

Anne’s head turned like a whip. “Joey sent a dick pic? Please tell me it wasn’t through the chat.”

I laugh, despite myself and toss the pillow at her. “No one sent any pictures of any dicks, Anne! It’s just a text.” 

“Aww, how sweet. Six years, and he still sends you messages in the morning.” she laughed again, but stopped, eyeing me carefully. “What’s wrong?”

I hesitated for just a moment, glancing towards the phone still blinking on the bed. “He wants to talk. Tonight.”

I watched Anne’s eyes narrow and could practically see the gears turning in her head. “Good talk? Bad talk?”

“Don’t know. Just said he wanted to talk.”

“You don’t think he’s going to…” she trailed off, gauging my response to see what I thought. 

I stared, unsure of what she meant. Anne sighed and raised her left hand, wiggling her fingers. I gasped and grabbed another pillow, tossing it in her face. “No! Shut up.”

She laughed, grabbing the pillow and tossing it back. “What? You’ve been together since middle  school!”

“No, It was ninth grade! We were in high school.”

“No, You started in 6th grade, and then broke up for two weeks in ninth. You can’t just pretend middle school never happened.”

“You do!” 

“That’s because I had a terrible haircut back then. And you let me wear that ridiculous poncho for a full year.”

“So? I wore rain boots every day for two months. We all make bad choices in middle school. You can’t just ignore-” I shut up, glaring as Anne smiled sweetly. “That’s not fair.”

“You just admitted your own logical fallacy. It’s totally fair.”

“Don’t quote textbooks at me.”

Anne just rolled her eyes and grabbed my phone, punching in the same password I’ve used for years. “So you’ve got no clue what he wants to talk about?”

“Nope. He hasn’t said anything different, hasn’t been acting weird.”

Anne scrolled through the messages. “Yeah, seems sweet as usual.” She glanced up at me, finger still on the screen. “Maybe he really does want to propose.”

The word made me feel sick, but i tried to hide it. It was no use though, and Anne frowned, setting the phone aside again. “You not want him to propose?”

“I-” I broke off, unsure of what i wanted to say. “I don’t know. Maybe. I mean, I love him, of course, but… I don’t know. I guess somethings missing.”

Anne raised and eye and reached up to push herself onto the bed beside me. “What’s not right? Like you feel distant, or just empty or-”

“That. Empty. It all feels sort of empty. I still love him, I would do anything for him. I still have fun with him and everything But it all feels different, like it’s not quite right.”

Anne grabbed my hand, her cool fingers rubbing comfortingly on mine. “Have you talked to him about that?”

“No, cause I don’t feel bad when I’m with him. It just all feels weird.” I paused, glancing at her. “Think it’s important, or am i just being stupid? I mean, I happy with him, so why am i doubting things when we’re apart?”

“Rosie, you’re not stupid. I think you should talk to him about this tonight. If he thinks everything is ok, and he does propose, then you might trick yourself into saying yes if it’s not what you want.“

I paused, then nodded. “You’re right. Maybe he’s feeling the same way.”

Anne smiled and squeeze my hand. “You guys love each other. You’ll work it out.”

I smiled. “Thanks Annie.”

“That’s why I’m here. To help you through your romantic drama.”

“That’s what I’m here for too, but I’ll never be able to do my job if you don’t introduce me to whoever you’re dating.” I teased.

Anne groaned and pulled her hand away. “You know it’s not like that.”

“Come on. What happened to that girl last week? Lacy?”

“Leslie. And nothing happened, just like I told you before. Nothing ever happens. We meet, talk, maybe make out, and then we’re done. I haven’t met anyone who I think is so amazing that they just have to meet you.” I pout, and she just laughs. “Trust me. If I meet someone who I’m going to give any serious thought to, You’ll be the first to know.”

“I better be.”

“You know, you’re almost worse than my mother.”

I give her a playful shove, then lower my voice to a comical, nasally sound. “Now Annie, you’re 22 now. You should already be thinking about what kind of dresser you want in your house once you’re married. You need to stop all this gallivanting around and find a nice young broad to settle down with.”

“Shut up,” she giggled. “My mom wouldn’t call someone a broad!” I gave her a look, and she groaned. “Fine, she’s only called someone that a couple of times.” she flung herself back on my bed and threw her arms over her face. “I swear, between the two of you, you guys are going to have me married off before I’m thirty.”

“Only because I fully expect to be your maid of honor before college loans kill me.”

“If you die before I get married, I’ll just have the wedding on top of your grave. Then we’ll have the after party there too.”

“If you play the chicken dance at my graveside, I’m coming back to haunt your ass.”

“Got it. A three hour loop of the chicken dance it is then.” she laughed again, only to end up with another face full of pillow.

* * *

 

I stood at the door, hands shaking as I stared at the familiar door that had been my safe haven for two years. I’d come to Joey’s door for everything, nights of terror, of fun. Long lazy summer days. It was just as much my home as my own house, or Anne’s home. But now, I dreaded going inside, worried about what would be waiting for me. 

I took a deep calming breath, then reached out and knocked once, and then again, before putting my hand on the knob and letting myself in, just as I had done for years. “Joey?”

“Rose!” I heard his voice around the corner of the entryway, in the kitchen. “I’m in here, Just taking out the food.”

“You cooked?” I asked, disbelief in my voice. That boy had never cooked a meal he didn’t burn, and I suddenly wondered if it was too late to call for a pizza. I rounded the corner and found him pulling a tray of lasagna out of the oven, an empty, slightly soggy box on the counter top.”

“Well, I tried, but we ended up with lasagna instead. Apparently, chickens are harder to cook than i thought.”

“You tried to cook a chicken.”

“Yeah… It didn’t go well,” he frowned at the trashcan, which looked empty. “But,” he looked back at her, giving her a grin that, once upon a time, had made her heart melt into mush. “I know you like pasta.”

“I do.” I grinned and walked over, reaching up to the cabinet to grab two paper plates. Joey shooed me away though.

“Nope. Tonight we’re using real plates.”

“But you hate doing dishes.”

Yeah, but your worth doing dishes for.”

The words felt like rocks in my stomach, but I tried to smile back at him. “You’re sweet.”

“Like candy.” Joey tossed the oven mitts aside and grabbed a spatula and a couple of plates, serving up two large portions of pasta. I took the plate eagerly, and we walked over to the small dining table. 

As we sat down, I noticed the careful way he was watching me. Almost like he was nervous. I decided to just ask, rather than letting him draw it out. If Joey had his way, every conversation was a long, drawn out occasion. “So what did you want to talk about?”

There was a clatter as he dropped his fork, staring at me in what could only be fear. “I mean, It can wait until we’re done.” 

I frowned and reached for his hand, trying to offer him some sort of support. “It’s fine. I needed to talk to you too.” 

“About what?”

“Well…” I hesitated, suddenly unsure. Should I say anything? Was i freaking out over nothing? Annie face came to mind, and I sighed in defeat. “I guess it’s about us. I’ve been… I don’t know.” I groaned and shook my head. “I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.”

“Well, could I go first?”

“Um, yeah. Sure.”

“Great. I… I think you’re amazing, Rosie. You’re my best friend, and you know me better than anyone else. Nothing has made me happier than spending these last years with you.”

I felt like I was about to puke. No, this was the opposite of what I wanted. “Please tell me you’re not proposing.”

He paused, looking at me for just a second, before he broke down laughing. “No. No Definitely not.”

“Oh thank god. I mean, if I had to marry anyone, then it would be ok with you but-”

“You don’t feel  _ that  _ way about me?”

I opened my mouth to deny it, but the words sunk in. “I.. Yeah. I think that’s it.” I stared down at my plate, the wave of nausea passing quickly with the sudden realization. “That’s it. I don’t feel… anything romantic towards you. It’s just-”

“We’re family,” He finished grinning at me, and I smiled back, relieved. “Honestly, I’ve been feeling the same for a while. I love you, I really do. But it’s just… family. Like how I feel towards Annie.” he paused. “Not that kissing you isn’t fun. Just-”

“Ok, you were good up until you said I was family and then started talking about us kissing.”

“That’s fair.” He grinned, and suddenly the feeling in my chest was warm. Not the melting feeling, but not the twisting awful feeling either. Just warm, happy. 

We sat in silence for a moment, both smiling. Then I said, “Wait, so does this mean we’re breaking up?”

He froze for a second, thinking. “I… I guess so. I didn’t actually think of that. I just-”

“Me either. I mean, something felt off, but I didn’t actually think about how this means that we should probably break up.”

“Yeah, I guess.” We went silent for another second, eating our lasagna as we thought about the situation. 

“Were still gonna watch  _ Mountain Range _ tonight, right? I asked, hesitating for a moment.

“Of course. I didn’t painstakingly put a frozen lasagna in the oven just to send you away without watching our show.”

“Nah, if you wanted to do that, you could have just fed me the chicken.”

“I said send you away, not kill you.” We laughed and finished our meal, chatting about our families, and how classes were going. We gathered our plates and tossed them in the sink, where Joey would most likely forget about them until tomorrow, and curled up on the couch, ready to settle in for an hour of mindless T.V.. The evening was over too soon, and as the credits rolled, I stood, tossing the blanket over his head. “I should head out. I promised Annie I’d talk to her once i left here.”

“Ok,” he pulled the blanket off his head, brows pulled together in concentration. “Can I ask you something real quick?”

“Yeah, sure.” I replied, grabbing my shoes and sitting down to slip them on.

“Do you have feelings for Annie?”

I laughed.

He stayed silent, just looking at me.

“Wait, you’re serious?”

He nodded.

My stomach clenched. Why would he want to know? Did he have feelings for Annie? But Annie couldn’t feel the same way. She was gay. Like, totally gay. There had never been a doubt in anyone's mind that she would grow up to have a girlfriend, maybe a wife one day, and they would live together with two adorable cats, or maybe a cat and a dog-

Joey stared for just a moment before shaking his head. “I’m not asking because I think I have a shot with her, Rosie. Anne’s family. I was just wondering.”

Oh. the knot in my stomach loosened. “Nope, no feelings for her.” I stated, smiling.

“Your sure?”

“Dude, I’m straight. Been straight for years now. No way could I have feelings for Anne.” 

Joey studied me for a moment before shrugging. “Ok.”

“Why did you ask?”

“No reason really. Just this… just a feeling I had.”

I frowned but put on my shoes. “You get some weird feelings sometimes, you know that?”

He grinned, and I smiled back at him. I hugged him quickly, then stood. “Well, I text you later.”

“Goodnight Rosie. Tell Annie I said hi”

I left the apartment and jogged down the stairs in a rush, pulling out my phone. My fingers moved on instinct, taping on the contact without a glance.

“‘’Sup?”

“We broke up.”

There was a crash over the line and a quiet curse. “Shit, you’re kidding me?!”

“Nope. Turns out he felt the same way I did. There wasn’t really anything there between us anymore. We’re family.”

“So You’re not dating anymore?”

“Nope.” 

Anne took a deep breathe, then started murmuring to herself, too quietly for me to make out the words. Then she said more loudly. “Come over,”

“Anne, It’s almost midnight-”

“Come over. This is the first break-up we’ve ever had to go through, and I’ll be damned if we’re not going to do all of the crappy, post break up stuff friends do. I’ve got a tub of ice cream, and we’ll rent bad movies.”

“I’m pretty sure you only do that stuff when you’re upset over a break up. I’m fine, Annie, really.”

“Then we’re celebrating you being single! We’re celebrating that we’re both single for the first time since ninth grade!”

I laughed, climbing into my car. “Are you supposed to celebrate after a break up?”

“Who cares what we’re supposed to do. That’s what we’re doing. So get your ass over here.” She hung up without another word, and i just laughed, starting the ignition and pulling out of the drive towards my best friend's house.

* * *

 

Anne and I practically fell out the door of her house as we rushed to my car, less than 20 minutes before our class for the day.

“Why are we awake?” I groaned. “Don’t break-up parties count as viable reasons to skip class?”

“Honestly, you could probably skip if you wanted. Harris loves you. But she’ll have my head if I try to skip.”

“Harris doesn’t love anyone. But we could say you got run over by a bus, and i had to take you to the hospital?”

“That witch would expect me to limp in with a full body cast” Anne complained, climbing into my car.

I had awoken in a daze less than  ten minutes ago, Anne still asleep beside me, her arm drapped over me, and I could feel the heat of her leg tangled with mine under the blanket. We had stayed up well past 3 last night, a movie just as terrible as Anne had promised on the TV, so bad I couldn’t even remember the name.  We’d forgotten about classes, or about responsibility, just spending the night celebrating and enjoying our time together. Of course, responsibilities, no matter how long forgotten, never stay away for good. A ten minute rush to get dressed and a zombie crawl out the the car had us both in a bad mood.

It took fifteen minutes to make it to the campus, where I pulled up to the sidewalk closest to the Environmental building. “Tell Harris I’ll be there soon. Just have to park.” 

Anne glared. “You should be the one in class. I can go find a parking spot.”

“Just go. I’ll be fine. Tell her I’ll be there soon. You said it yourself, she loves me.” I shooed her out of the car and smiled as she rushed towards the building. 

I drove around for almost 30 minutes looking for a parking place, only to find one all the way across the campus, a good mile walk away from the environmental building. I jogged, backpack jostling harshly against my back, and I wondered if it really wasn’t better to just call off the whole day and go back to bed. Only a sense of crushing guilt and the knowledge that Anne was waiting for me in a class she hated  kept me going. Really, those two things were the fuel for everything in my life. Guilt and Anne.

I attempted to slide into the class as quietly, but the room went silent as the door squeaked open. I held my breath as Dr. Harris’s eyes fell on me.

“Thank you for joining us, Ms. Hunt.” Her voice was gnarled and crackling, like an ancient piece of paper being carefully unfolded. There was not an ounce of warmth or pity to the sound, and i slid into my seat. Harris huffed and turned back to the board. “Better late than never, i suppose.” she grumbled before returning to her lecture.

“I still don’t see how you can think that she likes me,”

“I walked in a minute late and got a lecture about responsibility and how our generation was the most impoliet people she’d ever known. If that girl up front hadn’t asked a question about the homework, she might have continued on with a rant about how the internet is destroying the world.”

I gave a hushed laugh and nudged her, pulling out my notebook. “Did I miss anything else?’

“We all failed the homework?”

I groaned. “Great.”

Class passed in a blur, Harris’s voice grating on my frayed nerves, but when it finally ended with the announcement of six pages of problems to be solved, I slid my notebook back into my bag. “Want to get some food before we tackle the homework?’’

“You’re coming with me tonight to a club!”

I paused, turning my head slowly to look at her. “I’m doing what?”

“You’ve never gotten to go out with me since you’ve been with Joey! Now you’re single! What better way to celebrate than going out to a club?”

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out. “I though the ice cream last night was the celebration?”

“That was the break up party. This will be the ‘you’re single at last’ party!”

I glanced at the screen, seeing Joey’s name lit up.  _ You surviving, newly single girl? _

I slid the message open, shaking my head.   _ We need to get back together. Anne trying to take me to a club.  _ “Annie, I’m not sure if you were listening, but we have homework-”

“We can do it tomorrow!”

“I work tomorrow.”

“Then _ I’ll  _ do your homework tomorrow. Please go out with me?” I looked at my friend and saw the hopeful gleam in her eye. She looked at me as if this was her one wish, the only thing she ever wanted.

My stomach flopped and I sighed. “You owe me big time.”

Anne practically leapt out of her seat and threw her arms around me. “We are going to have so much fun!”

“If you say so,” I groaned, and my phone buzzed again. I pulled up the message.  _ She’s been begging you to go out with her for years. Maybe it won’t be that bad. _

I glanced up at my friend, who was babbling about needing to find outfits and doing makeup.  _ I don’t think i’m gonna survive this, Jo. _

The reply came almost immediately.  _ If you do die, I want your Pokemon cards. _

* * *

 

The pulse from the music beat in my chest, like someone was taking a sledgehammer to me in time with the music. The consistent  _  thump thump thump _ pounded it’s way into my head, and I tapped my foot along as I watched my best friend twirl on the dance floor. She looked stunning out there, hew dark brown curls flying around her head in a frizzy yet somehow elegant mess. I could never understand how she managed to make the tight unruly curls look neat and do what she wanted them to. My hair was as straight and lifeless as could be, but it could never be molded into anything more elaborate than a ponytail. It almost seemed unfair that her hair could be so wild, yet she had mastered control of it to make it bend to her will.

I glance around the room and saw that all eyes were on Annie, the way she laughed and danced without a care in the world. There was an enchanting kind of beauty to her, not just now, but always, that drew eyes and captivated anyone who caught her eye. I couldn’t help but laugh quietly to myself, knowing how the persona that she gave off in public, the charming, witty flirty who could wrap anyone around their fingers was just that, a persona. So few people knew how deeply nerdy she was, the way she lived for her monthly viewings of  _ The Lord of the Rings _ . How she could quote more episodes of  _ Star Trek  _ than she could song lyrics. How puns were her weakness, and she couldn’t help but laugh at even the stupidest one. No one else knew that he singing voice was subpar, but she could rap like no one’s business, but she would only do it in the shower. They didn’t know Annie, and most of them never would, probably. They just knew Anne, the flirty girl who never promised more than she would give, but loved to have a good time.

“She’s gorgeous, huh?” My head jerked up from the sound of sound of a woman’s voice. The girl’s hair was light, even in the dark of the club, and her eyes didn’t leave Annie as she danced.

I smiled, my stomach tightening a bit. “Yeah, she is,”

“You two came in together, right? Is she single, or-” the question hung in the air, and she smiled conspiratorially at me. The knot in my stomach got tighter, my body tense.

“Yep, I think so.”

“Good. She’s been looking your way all night, so I was worried you guys were together.”

I laugh, but the sound comes out strange. Probably because I felt so tense. “Just the DD.”

She smiled, “What are you drinking? Coke?” I nodded, and the girl turned to the bartender waving him down. “Another coke for the girl whenever she wants it.” The woman got up and glided towards the dance floor. I watched carefully as she laid next to Annie, looking for any sign that she may want a way to bail out.

Annie didn’t even hesitate as the woman began to dance nest to her, even turning into the woman to dance closer. Heat curled up in my stomach and up my body, leaving me almost shivering, and I looked away. 

“Why does everyone think we’re together,” I mutter into my coke. I pull out my phone and start scrolling through the internet, clicking on random news articles, quizzes asking about what kind of toast i am. The quiz says that I’m sourdough, but I would have guessed pita bread if anyone had ever thought to ask me that weird and random and specific question. 

Maybe ten minutes had passed, and I glanced up, only for my eyes to be glued to the scene on the floor.

Annie had pulled the woman who had been dancing with her closer, their arms were tangled around each other, and I was pretty sure that Annie was mauling the girl. One of Annie’s hands was gripping the woman’s arm, the other around her waist. They pulled out of the kiss for a moment, obviously whispering to each other and laughing, before the woman began to kiss a trail up Annie’s neck. Anne’s head tilted back, eyes closed, and one of her hands went up to tangle in the woman’s hair. Her eyes slipped open and met mine.

I stopped breathing. I’m sure I stopped. Even from my place on the stool almost 20 feet away, I could see the hunger and desire in her eyes, could see just how much she was enjoying the random woman’s attention. As if that woman knew that Anne was most sensitive around her ears, the way I knew from that one night, almost two years ago, when we had gotten just a little too drunk, and had kissed that one time. I remembered the heat of Anne’s skin on my lips, the way her breath had caught, them speed up when I kissed along her cheek bone, nipping at her earlobe carefully-

My cup dropped from my hand, and i stared in shook. Why had i thought about that? Why were my thoughts almost possessive, jealous even?

I heard a voice, muffled as I spiraled in my own mind.  It wasn’t until there was a hand on my shoulder that I could pull myself out of it, only to find myself staring into Annie’s golden brown eyes. “Rose? You ok?”

I gasped, they it came out as more of a squeak than anything else. “I’m good, Just dizzy.”

Her brows pulled together in worry, and she helped me stand. “We should get you home.”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about-”

“Rose, you’re completely pale. We’re going home.” Anne’s voice was firm, no room for discussion.

“We could call an Uber, to get her home safe,” I didn’t need to look towards the voice to know it was the lady from earlier, and I felt a moment of relief. She could make sure that I didn’t ruin Annie’s good time. I didn’t need to bother Annie.

But Annie acted as if she didn’t even hear the woman as she led me out of the room, out into the open air.

“But you’ve been drinking-” 

“I haven’t even drank anything yet. You were waiting on my drink, remember?” I did remember, vaguely, but  I was just hoping that she would let me get another ride home. My hands were shaking, and her hand felt hot on my arm. She was leaned in close, and I could smell the honey vanilla perfume that she loved. It was probably the bottle I had bought for her for christmas just a few months back. 

She helped me into her car, and I couldn’t help but watch as she shut my door and walked over the the driver side, her stride purposeful, determined. She slide into the car and had us flying down the street in moments, and I still felt like my world was tilted on its side. Everything felt off, different, and it seemed like Annie was at the center of it all. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen her with girls before. She always told me about the pretty girls that that she’d met at one club or another. In high school, she had brought a girl that she had been seeing to prom, laughing and dancing. Hell, I had been her first kiss, a quick peck on the lips during those two weeks when I hadn’t been with Joey, when we were thirteen and she’d had her heart broken by Lorena Garza. So it wasn’t like I was just surprised by seeing her with another girl, rather than hearing about it. 

But at the same time, the image of her kissing that woman left me feeling hollow and empty, yet fiercely possessive. And I hadn’t thought about that night by the lake in years. It had been a mistake, something we both agreed, and even when i had told Joey about it, he had just laughed and told me that he was surprised we had never done that before, and that it wasn’t that big a deal.

_ Do you have feelings for Annie? _

Joey’s words from the night before echoed in my head, and I clenched my fist. I couldn’t have feelings for Annie. She was my best friend. Being in love with her wasn’t an option. It just wasn’t. Beside, I was straight? Maybe I was just freaking out over being single all of a sudden. Or maybe I was just mistaking my totally platonic feelings with romantic ones?

“Rose, Your gonna break my door.” I looked towards her, and she nodded towards my hand, which was gripping the door handle tight, it looked like maybe even bending a little. 

“Sorry,” I took my hand off the door, but she just shook her head. 

“What happened in there? I’ve never seen you look like that.” I opened my mouth, instinctually about to tell her everything going through my head, but i met her eye and choked.

“Just got dizzy,” the lie practically seared on my tongue. I didn’t lie to Annie. If i didn’t want to talk about it, i just told her that, not that it happened very often. Sure, I had my secrets, but I didn’t lie to my best friend. I couldn’t lie to her. 

Anne looked at me, concerned. “Maybe we should go to urgent care.”

“I don’t need that, Anne. I should probably just go home.” i wanted to slap myself as I bit out the reply. I was being an ass, but it was like my mouth was running without me telling it what to say. I tried to apologize, but Anne just shook her head.

“We’ll get you home, and I’ll check on you in the morning.”

The car was quiet other than the rattling of the air conditioner, but it was different from any silence between us before. The air was heavy and stale, and maybe it was just me, but it felt like the air around me was shaking, trembling in fear at the strange emotions I felt towards my friend and towards myself. It felt terrifying and unfamiliar, and yet, when I looked at Anne, still frowning at the road in front of her, it felt like this was alway how it had been, in a way. Like there was an underlying tension that I was just now noticing.

Twenty minutes of terrible silence and worried glances later, Anne pulled her car into her driveway, right across the road from my own home. She walked me over to my front door, and I noticed that she didn’t try to hold me up, didn’t place a hand on my arm to steady me. She didn’t touch me at all. She was almost a foot away from me as we walked, and when she left me at the door, she didn’t hug me goodnight. She just waved and walked away.

* * *

 

I was in my car, staring at the steering wheel. I shouldn’t be here. I should be at home, sleeping, getting ready for work. But I had tried to sleep, and every time i closed my eyes, all i saw was Annie. Annie laughing, her soft smile when she was proud of herself, her frown when things we’re going to plan. Everything was ingrained in my mind, things I had thought about before, but all different. It was like when you always walked the same way to a building, saw the building at the exact same angle for months, years even, and then one day, you approach the building from a different direction, and it looks different from any other time you’ve seen it, yet still familiar, and suddenly you find yourself noticing the little things that, sure, you've seen before, but it all just looks a little different. 

I took a deep breath, held it for a moment, then exhaled and exited my car. I had to talk to someone. Someone who could look at me and tell me I wasn’t going crazy. That things were fine. That my world wasn’t suddenly completely different.

I climbed the stairs to the apartment in a rush, up to the second floor, and went to the familiar door. For a moment, I wondered if he would be asleep, but I just knocked anyway. I needed my friend, and with my best friend being my concern, this was all I had left.

The door opened in moments, and Joey stood before me, Dark shadows hanging in half moons under his eyes, wearing an old shirt from Taylor Swift concert he’d gone to years ago with his younger sister that he swore he hated, and a old pair of sweats that was more holes than fabric these days. Behind him, the sound of the TV blared loudly. He stared for a moment, and I couldn’t speak, the words stuck in my throat.

He sighed and opened the door wider to let me in. “Ben! I’ll buy if you go get tacos!” 

The sound for the TV went silent, and seconds later, a guy I didn’t recognize walked around the corner from the living room. He nodded at me, said, “‘Sup?” then looked to Joey. “How long you think you need?”

“Maybe an hour?”

The guy nodded. “Cool. I’ll get them at the Taco Bell across town.”

Joey grabbed his wallet out of his pocket, pulled out 20 buck, and handed it to him. The guy nodded, waved at me, then slipped out the door into the night. I just looked at Joey and shrugged. “I told him you would probably be here.”

“How did you know?”

“Anne called. Said you seemed freaked out. Figured you’d be here either tonight or tomorrow.”

He walked off towards the living room and sat down on the couch, back to the TV, which was showing what I thought was some multiplayer game. Joey loved. I sucked at multiplayer games.

Joey didn’t say anything, just watched me carefully, waiting for me to gather my thoughts. I fumbled, then finally spat out “I might have feelings for Annie.”

His expression didn’t shift, he just stared at me for a long moment before saying, “Ok?” almost as though he was saying  _ Well of course, do you have any new information? _

“How did you know?” I asked, not even stopping to breathe before saying, “How didn’t I know? How could I not know I like her? Where did this even come from I don’t understand-”

“Rose” My head shot up to look him in the eye. I hadn’t even realized it had dropped to stare at my feet. My breather felt ragged in my chest, too fast for comfort. Joey’s hand was on my shoulder, and I followed his lead as he led me to sit on the couch. He held my hand as I took slow breaths, focusing on the way his shoulder rose and fell to calm myself. But even as my body feel calm, my mind wouldn’t stop whirling. What did this mean? If I liked her, could our relationship ever go on the same way? What if she found out? What if she hated me for ruining our friendship?

Rosie, hon, you have to keep breathing. You’re ok.”

“She’s gonna hate me,” I whispered, and my gaze fell to my hands as I felt something wet fall on them. I reached my hand up to scrub at my eyes, unable to meet Joey’s eyes.

“She will not hate you, Rosie. She could never hate you.”

“You knew. Last night, you asked me if I had feeling for her. How did you know?”

Out of the corner on my eye, I saw him shake his head. “I’ve known for years, Rosie. Since High School, at least.”

I whipped my head around and almost glared. Or I would have, if I could see past the blur covering my eyes. “Why didn’t you-”

“Say anything?” He laughed. “Because the ‘ Hey hon, how was your day? Oh yeah, so can we talk about your romantic feeling that you have towards your best friend?’ conversation was a little hard to strike up while we were dating. And you never even seemed aware of it yourself, and you still loved me. So I couldn't’ think of a way to bring it up.”

“But I hurt you!”

Joey just smiled and took my hand. “Did it sting a little bit? Yeah. But I love you, Rosie. I love every part of you. I know that without that piece of your heart that belongs to Annie, you would have been unhappy. And I knew that you still loved me. Maybe it was selfish of me to hang on to you for as long as I could. But I just wanted you in my life, whatever I could have of you. Even if part of your heart belonged to Annie.” He laughed. “Didn’t I tell you two years ago that I was surprised that that was the first time you two had kissed?”

“Well, it was-” I started to say, but I froze. I had never told him about me being her first kiss after we had broken up, because it hadn’t seemed important. I chewed my lip, unsure what I wanted to say. How could I have hurt him? What did this mean for Anne? What did it mean for me?

“Rosie, I just want you to be happy. And that’s all Anne wants too. There could be a million things wrong, but I can’t imagine a situation where there was more love between you two being one.” He rubbed my hand with his thumb softly, trying to comfort me. “You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to tell Anne. you are allowed your secrets.”

“But I can’t keep something from her. Not like this. I can’t hurt her.”

“She’s your best friend Rose. She won’t ask about it. She will let you have your secrets, if you want them. We both just want you to be happy, Rose. Whatever makes you happy, you should do it.”

I nodded slowly. “Ok. Yeah. Your right.” then my head shot up. “Wait, So does this mean I’m gay?

Joey just stared at me, jaw hanging open. “You are kidding, right?” I shook my head, and he just sighed. “I mean, being in love with your best friend, who is the same gender as you, is kinda gay, yeah. But that doesn’t mean that your gay. You could be Demi, or Bi, or really all over the spectrum.”

“Oh, right.”

Joey stood. “You know,” he said, walking towards the fridge. “Even if you don’t want to tell her about the whole being in love with her thing, she would honestly be the best one for you to talk to about this part at least. I mean, she would probably know more than i could ever tell. You, or she could get you in touch with some people to help you figure it out. Hell, you could probably do research online and get more reliable information than from me.”

“But she would-” I protested, but joey cut me off.

“Just tell her your questioning your sexuality. Just say that you thought there was a cute girl at the club tonight, and that now your starting to think about stuff.”

I bit my cheek. Was that really possible? I didn’t want to lie to her, or only tell her partial truths, but now that I thought about it, did I find other girls attractive, or other guys? I mean, I had a few celebrities that I would have happily spent a night with, but I had always been so focused on Joey, and now Anne, that I hadn’t thought about other people in ages. I wondered what I really found attractive. I looked up at Joey, staring at him for a moment as he bent over to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. He was close to my same height, maybe even a little shorter by just an inch. He was by no means muscular, but he wasn’t skinny either. 

Then he turned around, and smiled at me, His brown eyes crinkled at the edges. In the dim light of the kitchen, his eyes looked almost black, they were so dark the pupil barely distinguishable from the iris.

His smile, his laugh. Annie’s smile and laugh. Annie’s Amber eyes, looking almost like dark liquid gold.

I was so caught up that I didn't’ really notice the way Joey cocked his head at me, only drawn out of the memory of her eyes when he said my name.

“Huh?” He held out a bottle of water to me, and I took it gratefully, chugging down almost half the bottle in one go.

“This isn’t anything to freak over, Rosie. We love you, and we just want you to be happy, ok?”

I nodded, and took another drink of my water.

* * *

 

“So, I wanna talk about last night. I know I was acting weird, and I’m sorry. I was just kinda freaking out because I think I might kinda like girls too. Like I think I still like guys, cause, you know, there are a lot of gorgeous guys out there. But, like, girls are pretty too.” The sentence trails off at the end, more question that statement as I stare into green eyes. “And I saw one last night, and I kinda started thinking, and so… so” I groan and sit back down on my bed, glaring at the mirror hanging on my wall. If I couldn’t even say the words to myself and have it make sense, how could I say it to my best friend. Anne was supposed to be here in just a few minutes; I had called her this morning after a night without sleep, after I had called into work to tell them I was sick. Anne had agreed, sounding just as tired as I felt, and said she would come by around noon.

Cue the next four hours, nervously pacing, shoving gummy worms and chocolate malt balls in my mouth to fill the nervous void in my stomach, and trying to figure out how the hell i was going to talk to my best friend.

I was tempted to call Joey, to tell him i couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say anything. I just needed to tell them both to forget it. Could i just procrastinate my sexuality? That was a thing, right? Just forget about it for years on end, only to wake up in the dead of night, sweating over the sudden realization that  _ shit, I forgot my own sexuality _ . Wasn’t that an option?

Downstairs, I heard the front door shut heavily, and my hands began to shake. Maybe I could hide? 

“Rose?” 

Climb out the window, maybe? I glanced towards my window, cursing slightly as I remembered that Jumping out of my window would most likely land me in the hospital, or at least with a broken tailbone. Not that that had ever happened before. I totally never jumped out of my window on a dare and ended up with a bruised tailbone. Nope. totally didn’t happen.

There was a thudding as Anne Climbed the stairs. “Rosie? You here?”

I took a deep breath, ready to either call out for her to come in, or scream bloody murder and hurl myself out the window. I decided i would let the heat of the moment decided which came out. 

“In here, Anne,” Ok, guess I was doing this.

The door opened, and Annie, peeked in. Her jaw moved as she chewed on the inside of her cheek, eyebrows pulled together into a frown. My heartbeat picked up when i saw her. She was wearing jean shorts and a tank, her curly hair in a ponytail behind her, curly, unruly, and frizzing in the humidity. I squeezed my hands into fists, fingernails biting into my palms as she stepped in hesitantly. Part of me wanted to break as she moved. We were not hesitant around each other. Everything was always open between us, and seeing her so careful around me made me want to scream.

She saw me sitting on the bed, and she walked in, carefully closing the door behind her. “You ok?”

The words I had spent rehearsing all morning, the ones that I had carefully crafted to explain my worry over my sudden realization, to put her at ease, to mend our relationship, in a instant, vanished. I couldn’t remember anything as her amber eyes fell on me, concern and fear lighting up the brown of her eyes, and so, being the quick thinker I was, instead of asking for a moment to collect my thoughts, I opened my mouth and spilled out “I like girls. Help.”

The room was silent, and as the words settled between us, I wondered thoughtfully why I didn’t throw myself out the window when I had the chance. 

“You-” Anne started, but her mouth just hung open. Then it shut. Then she opened it again, but no sound came out.

I started speaking again, the words not even processing as I said them. “I mean, I think I like girls, I’m pretty sure. But I still like guys too. It just that- I mean, I guess it just kinda hit me last night while we were out and  I freaked and I’m sorry I scared you, but I’m fine, except I have no clue what I’m do-” I stopped speaking as the air rushed out of my lungs. Anne had thrown herself at me, arms wrapping around in a tight embrace, head resting on my shoulder. 

“Oh thank god,” she whispered. “I thought I had done something to upset you. I thought, maybe- I don’t know.” Her voice sounded cracked for a second, and my arms raised almost immediately to hold her closer rubbing her back in gentle circles to calm her.

“It’s fine,” I said in a hushed tone, my voice breathless as I held her close. I forgot that I was freaking out myself. That I had figured out that I was in love with this beautiful girl. That I didn’t know what any of this meant for us. She was hurting and scared, and all I knew to do was hold her closer so she knew that she was not alone. She was never alone.

We held each other for a few more moments, and I felt her breathing soften under my hands, her shaking slow, then stop. Finally, she pulled away, and her eyes were red.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered. “You just- I shouldn’t have reacted like that. You like girls?” Her voice was still hoarse, but she held my hand tight in her own. 

I opened my mouth to speak, but the words caught. I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded mutely.

“So, you’re bi?”

“I guess? I-” I shook my head. “I don’t really know. It just kinda hit me last night, and I’ve been freaking out. But, like, I still like guys, I think. But… there was a girl last night, and she was dancing, and I just- I guess I kinda lost it.”

Anne grinned. “See? Told you going out was a good idea!”

I wanted to argue, but last night played in my head, the way Annie had danced, her laugh, her smile. Sides of her that I had seen before, but never in the light that I should have.

“Yeah, It was a good idea.”

“So who's the lucky girl?”

I blinked. Sure I had expected her to ask that at some point, but I didn’t think that I would have to answer so quickly. 

“Just- uh. I’m not really sure. I just kind saw her, and I didn’t even get a chance to talk to her. I just kinda-” I shrugged, hoping my life was believable..

Annie narrowed her eyes and shook her head, and my stomach twisted into a knot, thinking for a moment that i was about to be called out. She would realize that the girl I saw was her, that I was in love with her, and she would stand up and storm out, angry that I would jeopardize our relationship. 

But then she said, “I can't believe it. You see a girl you like, and you didn’t even get her name. Have I taught you nothing?” She laughed, and the sound rang like a clear bell in my ears. “Obviously, I’m gonna have to teach you the ropes with this stuff.”

I laughed too, my voice strained. “Yeah, I guess you will.”

* * *

 

Three weeks. Three weeks of balancing school, work, and Annie’s desire to drag me to every club in the city. We were going out every night that neither of us worked, and I was exhausted. The loud clubs, the varied lights and sounds that separated each club from the others were overwhelming, and yet, I was having the time of my life. 

Anne seemed to know which nights i needed something high energy, which nights were the ones to go to quiet bars on the outskirts of town. At every turn, she was pointing out groups of people who were walking in, often with one or two many people to be a group date, the awkwardness of people who were sort of friends, but not super close, who could be pulled away from the group to dance and talk. Annie acted as my wingwoman every time, watching for when someone caught my eye, swooping in to distract a friend or sometimes even an entire group of people leaving the one she thought i was attracted to open for me to chat with. Annie would flirt with some people, but during all of our nights out, she never  seemed as interested in anyone as she was that first night. She had people practically begging for her number, but she would just smile and tell them she wasn’t in the market for anything more. She just wanted to have a good time. And I found that I was learning a lot, mostly about myself. I found that while I preferred the quiet nights to the loud ones, there was something freeing about the wildness of a loud packed dance club. I found that i really was attracted to eyes, The way someone’s eyes lit up when they were talking about something they loved, or the way light could hit the irises and be one color, but in another light, they could be another color all together.

But mainly, what i discovered is that the more time i spent with Annie, the harder it became to not tell her the truth. I’m sure she knew I was keeping something from her, but she didn’t say anything. She just smiled and took me to a new club, introduced me to people that she knew from the area. Every day was something new, someone new, a different song and dance, a new drink to try, new streets to learn. And every day it grew harder and harder not to lean in and hug Annie whenever I wanted, like I had before. I didn’t reach for her arm just to keep her close, I tried my best to quell the angry twist  in my stomach when other girls looked at her and danced with her, when guys gazed longingly at her, knowing that never had a shot. I knew I shouldn’t feel any of that, and I couldn’t touch her when her touch lit up my heart, the way it simultaneously made me want to sink into her touch and stay near her, and jump for joy. Maybe it was silly, but without her knowing just how much I thrilled at her touch, it felt like I was almost taking advantage of her.

I knew I couldn’t keep going like this. Every day felt like a searing stab against my heart, and I wasn’t sure how long I could stand being around her before I just let it all fall out, and ruined our relationship forever. Maybe if I just told her, if I just explained, then maybe I could save what we had. I could move on and let go, and i could have my friend back.

I stared at the phone in my hand, Annie’s name painting the top of the message screen. There was a purple heart next to her name, something that Annie herself had put there when she realized that i just had her in my phone as “Annie” and not “Bestest Friend” or “Light of My Life” or some weird combination of emojis that acted as hieroglyphs for her name. She told me I was in her phone as “Prettiest Girl” with the image of a rose next to it. I had let her put the emoji as a compromise, but it honestly never mattered. She was always at the top of the list, the first one I texted, the person I called if I couldn’t remember which problems to do for advanced calc. She was the last person I spoke to at night, and the person I sent a message to when a nightmare woke me from a dead sleep. I would recognized her messages no matter what name she was under.

I tapped on the message and opened it up, typing quickly before I had a chance to think it through and back out. 

_ I’ve got pork chops and cake. Want some? _

I hit send and finished up supper, pulling out the salad dressing and the salad I had prepared and placing them on the table. 

My phone buzzed against the counter top, and I glanced at it before it went dark. 

_ I’ll be there in five minutes. _

I nodded and take a deep breath. The pork chops are on the stovetop, covered to keep them warm. The cake was one I’d made myself, Angel food with cool whip and strawberries. Annie’s favorite. In a sudden bout of panic, I decided that that wasn’t enough, so I reached into the pantry and grabbed a can of green beans, draining them and placing them in a pot with some butter, then grabbed some bacon out of the fridge and tossed a few strips in, covering the pot with a lid to let it boil in butter and soak up the carbs.

I heard the door open then, and my heart leapt in my chest, and I busied myself with stirring the green beans and bacon to keep myself busy. 

“Gods, Rosie, it smells so good!”

“Thanks. Dad got me some new steak seasoning, and I thought I’d try it out.”

“Hey, you don’t hear me complaining.” I grinned at my best friend, trying not let my expression go soft and show what I was really feeling when she smiled at me. He hair swung down around her waist, and she had straightened it today, which I knew from helping her do it was a pain in the ass to get done, but it was always rewarding. Her dark hair looked sleek and beautiful, even in the dim crappy light of the kitchen.

I put the lid back on the green beans and grabbed the pan of pork chops, sliding a pot holder onto the table and placing the pan on the table; three pork chops all together, one for me, two for Annie. 

The green beans boiled for another few minutes as Annie and I chatted, her at the table, eyes never leaving the meat, and me by the counter, keeping an eye on the boiling pot. We talked about classes, how our essays for developmental psych were going, and about annoying classmates who tries to waste as much time in class, not seeming to realize that it didn’t matter if we didn’t make it through all the material, Harris would still make us test over it.

Finally, I took the pot off the stove and slid it onto the table, protected by another potholder, and sat down. We served up our plates in silence, and I cut my pork chop carefully, thinking about how to start the conversation.

“So, are you finally gonna tell me what’s been freaking you out these last few weeks?”

I dropped my fork, barely hanging onto my knife, and I started in what I think was shock. I honestly wasn’t sure what I was feeling. Maye fear. Maybe just acceptance that this was the end.

Annie didn’t look up, poking the green beans into a pile away from the bacon, but her fist was tight around the fork in her hand.

“Umm-”

“It’s not a big deal, really.” she said, still poking at the green beans, this time with more vigor as a piece stuck to the bacon. “If you don't want to tell me, that’s fine too. Just know that you can, if you want. It doesn’t matter what it is. You’re still my best friend.”

I took a deep breath and stared at my own plate. “I lied.”

“Ok,”

“I told you that there was a girl I saw that helped me figure out that I like girls. And that was true. But I didn't’ forget her, or not talk to her. I- it’s you.” The scrapping of Annie’s fork on the plate stopped, and there was a clang that brought my head up to see that she was staring in shock, mouth gaped and pork chops forgotten. 

She didn’t say anything, didn’t move. I wasn’t sure she was even breathing.

“Annie?”

“Me?”

“Um, yeah. I just-” I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I know that this will probably screw things up between us for a while, but I just- It just hit me, while you were dancing, and I remember our kiss, and I just-”

“Can I kiss you?” I broke off at her words, looking up to see her eyes shining, hands gripping the table so hard her knuckles looked about to pop. I opened my mouth, but could speak, so I just nodded.

There was a squeak of a chair, and seconds later, she was kneeling beside me, One hand going to my face to cup my cheek, the other going to my arm to hold herself steady. She leaned close, hesitating just a hair away from my lips. Her warm breath washed over my face, and I had to stop myself from leaning forward, and pressing my lips to hers. Then she whispered, “Your sure? Really?” and i couldn’t hold myself back. I leaned in, capturing her lips with mine and felt- ease. It was easy, like breathing, feeling the way she gasped when our lips touched. It was easy, raising my hands to pull her in closer, reaching to touch her the way I had longed to for so long. It was easy, breaking away for just a moment, only for her to push back, reclaiming my lips and kissing me in a way that I hadn’t been kissed since that first time, all those years ago, when our breath stank of sweetened alcohol and our hands traveled with desires that we hadn’t known were real or obtainable.

Her touch lifted the ache in my bones, the ache that I was only aware of when I was left alone, my bedroom silent as the person my heart yearned for lay in her own bed across the street; The touch that was as familiar as my own heartbeat, maybe even more so. I didn’t always feel my own heartbeat. Sure it was there, but I wasn’t always aware of it. But I had always been aware of her touch, the familiar heat one that I had known since childhood. Comforting; safe. A home for my heart, long before I had a desire for that home to become a romantic one.

We pulled away, and I opened my eyes to see her’s still closed, lips still parted. A strand of my own long hair was still cling to her face, the static keeping me close to her, and I chuckled and pulled the strands away, the pushed her hair behind her ear, letting my fingers tingle through the strand gently, before falling away.

 

“I never wanted to introduce anyone to you, because you were already the most important person to me. I just- I didn't think that you were-” she tried to explain, but I leaned in and kissed her again, kissed her cheek, not trying to silence her. We would need to talk, explain everything that had happened, what we were thinking, what it meant for us in the future. But for now, I kissed her, to help put her at peace. We could talk, and accept each other. We didn’t known where this would take us, or if it would last. But we cared about each other, and for the moment, that was all that mattered.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've got a couple other original stories that I've been thinking of posting (Ones a sort of fanfiction, its based loosely off of James Joyce's "The Dead"). I may post them here, just to get them some exposure, but i'm honestly not sure yet.  
> But I hope you enjoyed this weird little romance.


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